As women we experience from a young age “clicks”. All through school, work, even adult friends. We have created little circles that no-one is allowed in unless they are “like you”.
When I became a mother, I felt like motherhood would bring all women together. We have this one thing that we all can relate with, taking care of a tiny human! There are vast amounts of conversation topics that could be covered and play dates should be easy to come by…right???
I’m here to tell you, from my point of view, that’s not the case. I have found that in being a Stay At Home Mother, working moms or even pregnant moms that will have to go back to work, resent me. Maybe not so much ME, but this idea that has been created in their head of what staying home with baby is like. See, I am very blessed in that I get to stay at home with my lil dude. I love that I can watch him grow and become independent. This is what my husband and I planned. We picked this journey and I’ll be the first to tell you, it’s the hardest job I’ve ever had.
I can say, for me personally that earning a paycheck is much easier than raising my child. There is a sense of freedom you have at work. I miss talking to adults everyday, using the restroom alone, eating a meal in peace and at the end of the day, letting any stress from work go, when I clock out. That may seem insignificant to some but for me, that’s a luxury. I have a very hard time “shutting off” while I’m at home. Sullivan is my every breath, the most important person that I have in my life. I know that I’m a great mother and will do anything in this world for him and because of that I can’t “let it go” or “clock out”.
I have went to sleep thinking, should I have done more with him today? Maybe tomorrow I’ll pick a different activity to do with him. Did we get enough sensory play in? Should I have sang the ABC’s one more time, or practice teaching him, “I love you” because he it’s so close to saying it. When he wakes in the night, I tuck him back in. When he needs something, I am the one to get it. When he falls or is accomplishing something new, I am there to help him get back up and clap my hands in his excitement. I’m emotionally, mentally and physically vested in him 24 hours a day.
Now I’m sure that some of you reading this are thinking, ” She sounds bratty, how hard could it be? OR she’s so lucky, because I will be missing those milestones”. Everyone has a right to their feelings but, don’t knock it till you try it.
I have been asked so many times by working mom’s, “When are you going to go back to work?”
It’s a simple question to most but what I hear is, “So when are you going to bring a paycheck home because raising a baby isn’t enough”.
That one little question, to me, is judgmental.
It most likely isnt meant to be, but to me,it is. It takes away all of the hard work I do every single day, without receiving a paycheck. Not only am I raising my child 24-7, I keep the house together, cook dinner, clean it up and start all over again the next day.
I have recently read an article on Salary.com what a Stay At Home Mothers salary would be. $112,962 … You read that right. As a mom, we wear many hats on a daily bases and some at the same time.
So while I may be judged for staying at home, I have one wish. That I not be put into my own little click, because I don’t punch a clock everyday. I would never ask why or judge a mother that’s put their child in daycare. I would never question your love for your child or your capacity as a person because you have to work, rather than be at home. That is ridiculous and to be honest rude. It’s not my business, what is best for your family.
See, we as MOTHERS should support each other. Working or staying at home. It’s hard on all of us, because they are our children and we want what is best for them. It’s human nature to want what we can’t have. That goes both ways. You crave to be at home raising a child, I crave to be working and challenged like I was before I had a baby. You want to not have to get up and drive to work, I want to have a reason to get dressed up and put makeup on. Why I love being with my little man every second, I do miss working. I miss everything that comes with it. I wouldn’t trade being with him for the world but its a give and take in any aspect.
So I ask, “Why does it have to be SAHM vs. Working mom?”
Can’t we just all be moms? Figuring this out together? We have the same questions, concerns, hopes and aspirations for our kids. Can we relate on that? Can we unite and not allow wishes for ourselves fester within us so we can be grateful for such a blessing?
We are moms! It’s hard on all of us. So can we finally move past the “click” stage in life?
And if we can’t, can we at least agree that we all belong in the “same click”?
Let’s share this journey together, rather than tearing each other apart, because working or staying at home we have the most important thing in common. We Are Mothers!